Write your heart out

My words, my feelings.......... mostly from 2012 recently had to rid of my BB so had to delete my notes. Ha my notes! Kept orig writing, so don't think I do not know how to write. Keeping it authentic. :P


Bisbee/Frisbee
I miss you. I miss your genuine smile. :) I wish you hadn't left. You were fair with your hair. It seems like you are unbearable now. Snooty, attitudey, damn you are moody. I want to see YOU. What should I do??? Bisbee, gone like a frisbee. :(

Dumb crush
Why can't u be real w me!! Don't give me anything, just give me U!! All I want/need is you. You pretend like there are no words to be said like if I was a stranger! "Excuse me"?! Ayyyy!!!

BYE!!
Why do you say bye!?
And in such a mean tone?
Your good BYE is a LIE!
You are alone
No one buys it
Full of s#!t
So don't you cry "BYE"
Nxt time you set your eyes. 
On me.
"Hi" will be charged @ no fee. Wee
Bye!

Frozen
I want to live and not. Cry. I want to breathe. Free I will be. I'll see the clouds and sky as I fly I'll soar above, above where no one can touch me hurt me frozen waiting for some human touch or something supernatural.

Good enough/Live
Right now I don't feel like I'm good enough for anyone. I hope I will, and soon. I don't want to walk around dead and walk among those alive. I'm jealous of them! The ones that can live but choose to live and do/have bad habits like drinking and doing drugs. They take life for granted, I would kill to be normal/healthy. I would live life to the fullest. Travel and explore what the world has to offer. I want to live. 

Tears
When will u stop staining my beautiful face? You cost me nothing yet I have spent so much on you.

My mind
My mind has you in it
I don't know why
Your name pops up 
Why
I hate it because I don't want to 
hurt I hurt everyday when these
brown eyes fall
Shut
That's what I want to , shut myself up so no one can see me. No one can anyways they only see a shadow. (Me I am the shadow) 

Mean attraction
So I always pondered y peep were mean to the ones they liked/loved. I now know and it sucks!! My reason so I won't get hurt a lot. I don't know if that's possible to hurt less. I pushed by being mean. I think I hated that I felt something. I wanted to suppress but i dk I think it might have made things worse. I think it's sad that I could act in such a way to try to feel less pain. In a way I was being selfish. Its not like they wanted me to like them. Ha. Its so rare that I actually feel something for someone. Very rare. I dk what I was thinking. I also would ignore him or avoid him @ all costs. But I can't ignore what I feel/felt. 

Nightmare
I feel like I am falling asleep into my nightmare again. Into someone that I would detest (which I do). I want to have control in my life (I know I will never). Why can't anything go right for us. Y? I want to laugh again. It would really help right now. Cure my wounds that seem to keep getting bigger and bigger. Someday I will wake up from this nightmare. WAKE UP!

Tied
Tied to the lies I hear my cry but no one can see it feel it touch it. Its sad and hurts the most when someone willingly wants to see you  cry or be in pain. Why?? If the stain lasts forever. Why?! The million dollar ?. I am not going to lie but it hurts to be treated this way. It hurts a lot. A lot. I hate that one person can ruin your day. It shouldn't be that way. But it happens I dk why. But it sucks to know that malice pops up where you least expect it. And it all comes @ once. All @ once. Tied to the belief that everyone deserves to see who you are, but then realize that they do not!! Tied to the belief that there is some good in people, waiting to see the nice person you know that they can be but instead disappoint you even more. I will cut the ropes or loosen them up a little so I will not be tied DOWN.

Mind over body s#!++y cliche saying
Not my body. My brain sucks!! :( ;(

Lies
So close yet so far
I cry, I can see it in your
Eyes
Exposed, foes!
Who the f^(k know?!
Sigh, why don't you 
Stop these lies
I don't know what to think,feel...
I sink
Drowning in my confusion
Fusion? Snoozing
Like me, fight me
Mind bee
It stings & hurts
Lies